Finding the Key...

People always talk about the elusive key...
the key that opens the chest of success...
success in Christ...
success in work....
sucess in building and finding a strong, healthy relationship...
Wanna know what key im speaking about?
Well... that would be the key of Confidence..
Confidence....is key.

Confidence...a hard word to swallow for me.
Confidence...an unfortunate battle in my life.

the word confidence ironically makes me feel even more un-confident. People and atricles tell me to be more confident, BE MORE CONFIDENT... Pressure...So i say " Okay, Okay I'll be more confident..."

Then I think....

"but where to begin...."
"how do I get there...."

"they" merely state...
BE MORE CONFIDENT.

SO... im going the route I always go when I am lost over something...

Prayer.

Why not turn to the one who created me, the one who knows my worth far better then I do. The one who loves me even with all my flaws and see's every potential I have. He seems like the perfect one to go to for help with building my confidence.

I have to remember that while some confidence is gained by personal beauty, that not all confidence is... A lot is built on actions, accomplishments, and the understanding that you are a child of God, and while, YES, there have been some hurtful things said and done to me in my life, that we overcome those feelings through Christ.

The kids that hurt me in my youth.
Dont Matter.
The men that hurt me in my past relationships. DONT MATTER.

I want to live in Confidence, I want to know what it feels like.

So while confidence is feeling somewhat elusive to me at this point....
It wont be for long.
It will be part of me.
It will belong to me.

I will have the key...

Then help others find it.


Signing Off,
Kristen
aka
Prissy Krissy. -smoochies-

Where?

SO for the last few days I have been feeling kinda "out of it" not my normal "chipper" self...

I finally realized what it was today...

For practically the first time in my life.... I dont know where I belong.

I have lived in the same place my whole life. I knew the people, they knew me. I loved them, they loved me. I had a set ministry and friends that would be so excited to see me come in, and they KNEW me... I had an awareness of who I was in this community, and where I belonged.

Now that I have moved... I have lost the security of that knowledge. I no longer know where I stand with people, I no longer know what ministry I belong in, I no longer have the security of everyone knowing me and having OLD friends. I dont know where I stand or where I belong in this new community yet. 

You know...there is a security that comes with "OLD" friends as opposed to "NEW" friends. WIth Old friends comes the security of knowing that they know all your flaws and love you despite them. You have been through things with these friends and come out remaining friends. You have inside jokes, and long funny stories, and the ability to sit together and not speak and it not be akward.

Second, ministry. I knew where I stood in my church. I knew what I was going to be used for, I knew what they needed me for, I was apart of something and they needed me. I didnt feel intimidated to pray with people, I actually stood and walked towards the platform when they called for musicians lol (which by the way I almost did as a reflex one service)

Thats gone, and I understand that I am in a new place and I cant just waltz in somewhere and have a position or be thrown onto their platform, its just a whole new world for me...

Not knowing where I stand... I lost things that gave me part of my identity and now I have to discover mt new identity here, my new friends (which I have and they are great), and discover what ministry God has for me here... and fully realize that my whole identity doesnt come from the friends I have or all the things I do, but the simple fact that IM the LORD'S and that gives me all the identity I need...

Adjustement.... it takes work.

Intro 2 Moi ♥

   Well I have moved from the lovely state of Washington to another lovely state... California. I decided after 25 years of being in the same place (both geographically and in other ways) that I wanted a new start, a change, to start living my life and growing up.

   I chose California and more specifically Lodi/Stockton are. I chose it because I knew wonderful people there and a great church, so I thought a start there already had a couple things I would need to flourish, some Godly friends and a good church. Thankfully, God felt the same way and allowed doors to open for me and gave me the grace and courage to make my goal come to pass.

   This blog is going to be an outlet for me to discuss the new things that I am going to be experiencing and the new good things and the new struggles that I am going to be going through.

   Feel free to respond to my blogs and give me advice or just comment or whatever you feel like doing as long as its not rude, crude or unproductive.  I hope you enjoy my thoughts and adventures! ;) 

Sincerely,

Kristen M. Beck

or as I have been dubbed...

"Prissy Krissy"