Where?

SO for the last few days I have been feeling kinda "out of it" not my normal "chipper" self...

I finally realized what it was today...

For practically the first time in my life.... I dont know where I belong.

I have lived in the same place my whole life. I knew the people, they knew me. I loved them, they loved me. I had a set ministry and friends that would be so excited to see me come in, and they KNEW me... I had an awareness of who I was in this community, and where I belonged.

Now that I have moved... I have lost the security of that knowledge. I no longer know where I stand with people, I no longer know what ministry I belong in, I no longer have the security of everyone knowing me and having OLD friends. I dont know where I stand or where I belong in this new community yet. 

You know...there is a security that comes with "OLD" friends as opposed to "NEW" friends. WIth Old friends comes the security of knowing that they know all your flaws and love you despite them. You have been through things with these friends and come out remaining friends. You have inside jokes, and long funny stories, and the ability to sit together and not speak and it not be akward.

Second, ministry. I knew where I stood in my church. I knew what I was going to be used for, I knew what they needed me for, I was apart of something and they needed me. I didnt feel intimidated to pray with people, I actually stood and walked towards the platform when they called for musicians lol (which by the way I almost did as a reflex one service)

Thats gone, and I understand that I am in a new place and I cant just waltz in somewhere and have a position or be thrown onto their platform, its just a whole new world for me...

Not knowing where I stand... I lost things that gave me part of my identity and now I have to discover mt new identity here, my new friends (which I have and they are great), and discover what ministry God has for me here... and fully realize that my whole identity doesnt come from the friends I have or all the things I do, but the simple fact that IM the LORD'S and that gives me all the identity I need...

Adjustement.... it takes work.